Earth Day with Nny
by Horrible Fanfic Fangirl
Summary: Nny spends Earth Day ...against his will, of course... with God, me, and my sister. 3/30/09 UPDATED AND COMPLETE!


_Disclaimer: I don't own any lava lamps or spare tires. Oh yeah, I also don't own any Jhonen/Johnny stuff. Cry for me._

_Many thanks to my best friend and my sister who helped me write this. I must throw cake at you. But hey, if anything's wrong with this fic, it's your fault! (Just kidding! XD) Hmm... Or __am_ I?

_--  
_

Once upon a time, there were two sisters who read insane little comic books by a human/guinea pig mutant named Jhonen Vasquez. They giggled and broke out into violent convulsions as they read these _*ahem*_ inspiring fine works of literature.

One day, for no apparent reason, they find Johnny, everyone's favorite homicidal maniac, attempting to climb out of their dumpster.

"Why are you in our _dumpster?"_ one of these sisters asks.

"I dunno, but seriously- Don't you people ever run out of potatoes?!" He points to the many potato peelings that are trying to digest him alive.

"Nonsense!" Sister One cries out in defense of her allies, "I love potatoes! But eggplants are wacked." Her veggie comrades cheer in starchy potato-ness. Then... Sister Two gets an idea! (Dun dun dun!)

"Hey! Why don't you take a walk with us? We're going to the County Fair. It's in another county that's 200 miles away, but we should get there by tomorrow."

If he wasn't trapped by flesh-eating garbage, Nny would have probably already run away by now. He struggles even more in the dumpster.

"Um, no! I really want to go home right now- I've got stuff to do!"

"Aww, c'mon!" Sisters One and Two get evil little smiley-things and they push the dumpster along with them. Alas, they start to pity Nny, who is trapped against his will within the confinements of a giant green garbage can. But, they stop pitying him once they realize that they can probably sell him off at the Fair.

--

Sometime that's later, they come to the highway with the help of some random flying monkeys.

"Okay, dudes," Sister Two says, "There's like, cars here or something crazy like that, so be careful!"

They all (very tragically, I'm sure) get hit by a guy in a Pinto. Everyone explodes and goes to Heaven.

"What just happened?" Sister One asks. All of the sudden, a burst of smoke bursts up and drifts away, revealing God.

"Heeeey... Aren't you supposed to be wearing white?" says Johnny (free from the garbage can and all his limbs are back), pointing out God's tie-dye robe. (I've always imagined God looking like a hobo-hippie. O.o)

"Yeah, but we're running out of bleach up here, and you know how hard it is to get stains out of white."

They all look down at their clothes, which are made up of mostly black T-shirts and jeans.

"Hmm... Uh, nevermind. Anyway, dudes, these angels are singing twenty-four-seven and I think I'm gonna go blind by my own light. I _seriously_ need some sunglasses. So guess what? I'm gonna spend the day with you, homies!" (I don't think hippies say 'homies', but whatever.)

"Not with _me!_" Nny insists in maniacal terror, "You can't even answer a few questions! How did you even heave all that off of that possessed chair?"

"Dude, chill!" God insists in holy terror, "I'm a hippie today." Nny doesn't look any happier. So... God says, "Listen to my acid-inspired words of hippie wisdom (he starts singing 'The Age of Aquarius'):

This is the dawning of the

Age of Aquarius.

AQUAARIUUUS!!!!!!"

By this time, Nny, Sister One, and Two are all having seizures and screaming _"Eeeeee! It buurns!!"_

"Hmm," God says thoughtfully after seeing them, "Okay, no more singing."

"Yay!" they all yell, having magically recovered from their seizures. Then, because magic is already happening, it starts raining jelly beans. They all put handfuls of them in their pockets for later. Then the four of them (even Johnny, who seems to be a little convinced by now- it was the jelly beans) click their heels together 3 times and say, "There's no place like the County Fair... There's no place like the County Fair..."

The dry ice smoke fades away, and they see that they're at the County Fair. Nny's twitching for some reason. There's also an explosion coming from the parking lot, but that's not important. Sisters One and Two make happy noises as they see all the cool stuff and people.

Nny is still twitching, and it's getting quite annoying, so Sister Two says to him, "Hey, chill! Hippies are the most non-judgemental people on Earth! That's because they've done so many drugs that they're permanently high." He doesn't look too comforted (I think he wants to hit them over the head with something), but he tries to look like everything's okay.

They come up to a guy who's selling hemp cord.

"Wanna see some psychedelic visions, man?" he says, "You look like you need this stuff." Oooh...

Apparently Nny doesn't need any psychedelic visions, as he starts doing naughty things with knives _(__magical_ knives!) to the man's face.

"You (insert your own fun words here!) and the hand that does your bidding! I won't be distracted by emotions or hemp! Waitaminute... Hemp _is_ an emotion, isn't it??!! Ha! Your evil vision-inducing intentions won't sway _me!_"

Sister One, bored by the lack of weed-secondhand-smoke, sees Nny and starts cheering him on.

"Yeeeah! Get him, Johnny! Yeah, Hemp-Bidder! YOU FREAKIN', uh, FREAK!"

By now, pretty much everyone within a 30-yard radius of them is screaming and jumping up and down like monkeys.

"Quick!" Sister Two screams, "Someone! _Throw me a Freezie!"_

Suddenly, Powdered Toast Man swoops down from the ceiling and hands her a magical Freezie!

"Here you are, good citizen- _What in the name of all things good and toasty is THAT?!"_

"Oh, don't worry," Sister Two says, pointing to the hippie, "He should be dead by now." Powdered Toast Man holds out his hands and Nny, who seems to be satisfied with his work, gives him his knives.

"Well, in that case," Powdered Toast Man says cheerfully, "Don't forget-" He starts cutting the hippie up and putting pieces of him in a plastic bag for Organ Donations. "-to RECYCLE!!" He flies back into the rafters. A couple seconds later Powdered Toast Man drops Nny's knives. They hit a rabbit-fur stand and explode. They all cheer, except for Nny, who complains that now his best knives are gone, but he got his Freezie, so everything turns out okay! Except for the disembodied hippie and all the staring people, but who cares about them?

_--  
3/30/2009_

_Story= UPDATED AND COMPLETE!!!! XDDDDD_


End file.
